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Holiday season can be a time that spurs feeling of loneliness among many of us. Here are some strategies to alleviate it
Sejal Jain, 45, lives alone in an apartment close to her workplace in Bengaluru. Unlike previous years, she hasn’t been able to make any plans for the holiday season this year, because her friends are either travelling or are busy with family. When asked, Jain admitted to feeling ‘down’ because of it. She says that although she isn’t a ‘party’ person, all the festive cheer and the fact that she “no one to share it with” has made it tough on her. “Loneliness is not new to me,” she notes, “ but after my parents passed away, festive and holiday seasons have become especially tough.”
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Renuka Gavrani, author of ‘The Art of Being Alone’ says, “In a country like India, where festivals mean getting together, finding yourself alone in your apartment can be daunting.” There are several people like Jain who are battling festive or holiday loneliness for various reasons. Shilpa Shivamallappa, life coach and therapist, talks of people who are away from their family. “They may have not been able to go home because of work commitments or other constraints. These people may feel the loneliness because they don’t enjoy their own company,” Shivamallappa says.
While feeling lonely and being alone are two different things, there are times when our hearts crave for people who are home to us. When loneliness hits, it is possible to lighten the feeling with some strategies which experts say are effective.
Do something for others
According to Shivamallappa, loneliness comes from feeling comparatively inferior to others. She elaborates, “You could look at someone else’s life, or in this case, their festive plans, and feel theirs is better. That sense of inferiority can be removed by making yourself feel superior, not in the context of money or arrogance, but by putting yourself in a giving position. Subconsciously you feel superior because you are doing something for others.” By giving your time or care to others in need, your attention is drawn outward. Research suggests that performing small acts of kindness towards people can help people feel less solitary.
Don’t ignore your presence
Gavrani says while one misses their loved ones during holiday and festive seasons, it is important to make an effort to acknowledge one’s own presence. “No one can replace family and friends but here is the truth: Just because you don’t have your loved ones around you doesn’t mean you will ignore you. You need to understand that your heart craves love, especially during this season, so instead of letting yourself drown in a pool of memories of your loved ones and making yourself lonelier, you need to acknowledge your presence. You are here. So why should you not celebrate festivals and holidays with yourself?”
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Indulge in alone-time
When there’s more time on hand, see it as an opportunity to do what you like. Take a walk, read a book, bake a cake (and eat it too), go on a road trip… in short, do something that will spark joy in you. “You can do some colouring, cooking, gardening, shopping or anything that catches your fancy,” Shivamallappa suggests. The concept of me-time is especially beneficial for those who have experienced deep loss. “We suggest meditation as well where you sit in a place calmly for 5-10 minutes with eyes closed. By closing your eyes, which are the windows to outer environment, you will get clarity eventually and be able to settle your thoughts.”
Tap into your creativity
Studies have shown that participating in creative activities like arts and crafts might be linked with reduced loneliness. Jain enrolled herself in a pottery course this month and after just 2 classes, she feels lighter and less morose. “I look forward for the classes because for one hour, I am completely engrossed in what I am doing. I have no choice but to be mindful of how I use my hands.”
Practice gratitude
Gavrani is all for celebrating life and being grateful. According to her, holiday and festive seasons call for slowing down in life, acknowledging what you have in your life, being grateful for your blessings and pausing the world to celebrate life. “No matter your religion or festival you celebrate, the bottom line for all of them is the same – celebrating life. Celebrate the developments you have made personally and professionally. Celebrate the blessings you have. Eat good food and feel the sweetness of life.”
Make peace with your loneliness
For many, one of the hard parts of being lonely during holiday season is that they believe they are the only ones in that position. Experts suggest having frequent reminders that there are others feeling just as lonely. They also recommend “acknowledging” the feeling of loneliness. When Jain told her therapist that she was feeling so lonely on Diwali that she just lay on the floor, the therapist asked her what happened next. “I got up after half an hour, washed my face and then went for a walk,” she recalls. “I remembered feeling comforted and my therapist said it was because I had allowed myself to feel the loneliness.”
Jayanthi Madhukar is a Bengaluru-based writer.
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